I am happy to report that I returned home safe and sound from my travels around South Korea.

My mother was waiting patiently for me at the airport and I am sure she is now very relieved to no longer have to wonder at 3am whether or not I am going to be falling off the side of a mountain on the other side of the world. 

I have been back in the UK for almost two months now (yes, I was incredibly slow in getting all of my blog completed, apologies) and feel it is time for a little bit of post-travel wrap up.

Today we’re going to start with all of the psychological ‘feels’ stuff and then tomorrow move on to the practicalities, for those of you out there who may be contemplating such a trip of your own.

I titled this blog as ‘Kerry’s Korean Quest’. I don’t really know if I did that purposefully when I began writing because I was searching or questing for something, or if maybe I was hoping it might bring some sort of discovery my way.

For every journey I have taken in my life, I have never returned not having learned or gained something new from the experience. In the case of this blog, whichever reason it was for its naming, it worked. I did find something out there.

I discovered that I can be content. That I can be happy even. In the purest sense possible. Without worry, without constraint, without any expectations. I learned that I can overcome fear. That I can rise to a challenge. That I have within me the ability to pause, consider, and then act. I was reminded that I am a capable person. That I am independent. That I have common sense. That I can do and achieve whatever I set my mind upon. I found a new place and a new people to love. Saw kindness and thankfulness in the smallest of things and actions. Realised that I can feel comfortable and at home in a place I wasn’t raised in. I was reminded every day why life is amazing. And why I found this country and culture so fascinating in the first place. I realised that I have now found a place that will forever be a comfort and grant serenity to me. That my interest and fondness for all things Korean has not waned, nor has it exponentially grown, it is just at the right place in my head and heart and will continue to reside there in the future.

In my opinion, that isn’t a bad takeaway at all.

For me personally, while this might not have been the longest, most exciting, or most arduous of all my adventures; it is certainly the most precious. This trip from start to finish was the one thing I achieved all on my own. It was my dream. It was my effort. It was me, alone, all the way across the globe, making my own decisions and choices, and keeping myself safe.

I did it for me.

And I really needed that.

In fact, though I didn’t know it when I planned it, it was actually exactly what I needed to do. It was everything I needed for my heart and head to be healed. 

And so, now what?

Well, I am home. Gary and I are together again. I think he survived pretty well without me, though he does need a major bath when the weather warms up and of course, we are fighting the wet and icy winter together. He does have some new additions; Myeonggru has settled in well and keeps me company for all of my kdrama watching sessions; my collection of pictures, rocks, flags, and filming memorabilia are all hung and a constant reminder of my adventures; and my precious pottery plate has already been well used and I can’t wait to get my first bunch of flowers in the spring for my vase.   

I have begun yet another new job, though at least this time I am keeping a theme; I am working in yet another library! I really can’t stay away from books, but that is never a bad thing in my opinion.

I have also just started my third Korean course, having technically reached ‘Intermediate’ level. Having said that, honestly, my reading and comprehension are probably just at this level; as we discovered, in the real world, my speaking and listening skills still need a huge boost to be properly functional. But my language learning journey was never going to be a short one.

And it is at this point that I can see the beginnings of the practical changes that have started to creep into my life as a result of my travels.

Anyone who knows me well will be very familiar with my daily diary and my rather insane need to fill every minute of every day with things to do, along with my need to have certain achievements or goals for the year. For me, I need this. I need a reason. For every day. For life. I need a reason. Something that makes every minute worthwhile. To justify it. And while it kills me sometimes, it also keeps me going. It’s the reason I can achieve things. It’s the reason I get to look back and see all of the things I have been so lucky to do in my life. This rather crazy need to shoehorn in as many experiences in life as possible, even if they don’t always make sense or add up at the time, means I get to look back on all the chapters of my life and see something precious in each one. I won’t lie, living life in this way is exhausting. Mentally and physically. But, for better or worse, it’s who I am. And as I have begun to understand, this won’t fundamentally change.

However, travelling around Korea, I managed to fill every day with at least one thing that made it a worthwhile day but crucially; I did this without the sense of stress and urgency I normally feel. That crazed overwhelming crushing pressure I get when planning and thinking, it simply wasn’t there. And if I started to feel it creep in, I stopped what I was doing and questioned myself. I would take a moment to remind myself that my trip was not a competition, another thing to be ticked off; it was meant to be fun and enjoyable. That a single thing would count as a win, no matter how small that thing might be. And most of all, especially as my trip progressed, the feeling of certainty that if I don’t get a chance to do this right now, it’s OK, because I will be coming back and it can simply go on the list for next time.     

Last week, I found that my life was once again timetabled to the hour. My mornings filled with two Korean tutors, an unachievable amount of learning goals, household chores, work from 2-8pm, grocery shopping, a general ‘to-do’ list, and a weekend filled with Korean class and homework.   

And I felt miserable.

And so I stopped. I closed my eyes and remembered mountain tops, blue skies, warm sand and rippling waves, caramel lattes, a thousand bows and food gifts, an abundance of sunsets, and a view from a fortress overlooking the sea with a song in the background.  

I crumpled up my timetable. I quit one of my tutors. I wrote in my diary only things I had completed during the day instead of a long and unachievable list of things I hoped for. I decided that my time after work was to be nothing other than a shower, PJ’s, and drama instead of thinking I would be studying or doing odd jobs. And things started to seem more bearable again.

This is what my travels have provided me with.

An anchor. A place of safe harbour.  

The knowledge that life can be full, but it doesn’t have to be all consuming in the process. That I can have goals, but that there can be a slower and more reasoned pace to this achievement. That overloading my brain really doesn’t help me in the long run. And the reality that while I do these things to make everyday life mean something, the fullest and happiest I have ever felt is actually when I have emptied my head of everything and simply existed alone in a faraway land.

This is the change within me that I wish to keep. This is the knowledge I wish to hold on to. For me, this is the key to me surviving life in a better way than I have been.

And with that thought, there ends the ‘feels’ section of the blog.